Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Mike's Sports Book Non-Recommendation

I love to read sports books. I'll even read the bad ones. But a sports book has to be especially abhorrent for me to give up on it before the end.

Thanks to Dick Vitale, I can add another book to my very short list of incomplete reads. My folks like to attend this huge used book sale every year in Phoenix and they often find sports books for me. Last year they sent me Vitale: Just Your Average Bald, One-Eyed Basketball Wacko Who Beat the Ziggy and Became a Ptp'Er. The title alone should have stopped me from reading this pile of dung, but I gave it the old college try.

Big Mistake. I hadn't read anything by Vitale before (nor will I in the future), so I didn't know what to expect when it came to his writing style. The easiest way to describe it would be:

It's exactly the same as his speaking style.

He's constantly using his little Dickie-V-isms (diaper dandy, PTP'er, etc.) throughout the book, and it gets old fast. Real fast. They actually included a glossary dedicated to his stupid words so you can figure out what the hell he's talking about.

That's annoying enough, but it's not what made me put the book back on the shelf. I started to notice about half way through the book that he seemed to be using this book as an opportunity to drop every name in basketball that he's met over the last 40 or whatever years. And it's so random at times, it's ridiculous. Dickie is really proud of who he's met over the years, almost like he's a groupie. I wonder if Dickie has ever given Mike Krzyzewski a blowjob in the locker room and asked him to sign his tits? Stupid question, of course he has.

Anyway, between his writing style and his name-dropping, the book never gets any sort of flow going. In the end (or 3/4 of the way through, in my case), it's just a shitload of random stories/names throw together with a healthy dose of self-congratulatory bullshit.

Skip it.


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