Friday, November 10, 2006

What I Learned On My Fall Vacation

My work wanted to send me to some training for a new software package we are looking at implementing. It just so happened that the next available class was being held in Phoenix, my hometown. Well, close enough. I grew up in Scottsdale. But if you know the Phoenix area, you know how the Phoenix valley works. It's right there.

My Dad took me to the Suns/Mavs game tonight, which I had been anxiously awaiting for the last week. As I sat in the stands tonight, I realized a few things about myself:

1. I'm really missing living in a city where major professional sports are played. Chico, CA is a nice place to live, but there are no major sports. The closest teams are all in the bay area, and when I go to watch sports there, I'm not rooting for the home team. It sucks not being the home team. My experience at the Cardinals/Raiders game this year sucked ass. It's no fun being the visitor, and even less fun being the douche that roots for the visitor.

2. I'm kind of a dick when I root for my team(s). At some point between begging for one of the Suns bench players to take Dirk Nowitzki out of the game, calling Dick Bavetta a fucking cocksucker (which is true) approximately 20 times, and generally losing my voice screaming for the Suns to GET A FUCKING REBOUND, I realized that I've really turned into a jackass over the last 9 years (since I last attended a Suns game). You know that guy in the stands that screams too loud, makes snarky comments when your team turns the ball over, and feels the need to comment on pretty much everything, including the cheerleaders performance during timeouts? Yeah, that was me tonight. This is what happens to you when you don't get regular in-person exposure to major pro sports.

3. I may have a drinking problem. As the 3rd quarter was winding down, I started to think about getting that last beer before they shut things down at the start of the 4th quarter. Of course, I'd already drank 4 or 5 of the "big" beers at this point. At the 5:44 mark in the 3rd, I began debating if I should head to the beer stand or wait a little longer. But what if there are no timeouts? I'll be screwed! It all worked out, I got another beer, and may need to attend an A.A. meeting when I return to Cali.

That's my report, teacher. You fucking cocksucker.

NOTE: Hopefully, I will be able to post my Anti-Simmons picks tomorrow. If not, see you next week.


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